88 things the Twilight movie has taught us!
by MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles
Summary: Twilight? Not educational? YEAH RIGHT!
1. 1 to 10

**New Story/ List. **

**This is how it's going down. 88 things Twilight the movie has taught us (not in the order they appear in the movie. Try to keep up.). I post 10 each chapter.**

**You review.**

**Or I kill you. *evil laugh***

1. The futures dead. Angela isn't allowed to bring it up again.

2. Renee's power cord ran away. Screaming.

3. It's complicated. But Edward can keep up.

4. BELLA HAS A PURPLE RAINCOAT!

5. Tyler can kiss his license goodbye.

6. Dead feet make Bella think of Edward. (How...romantic?)

7. Edward Cullen gives the best piggy-back rides EVER!

8. Laurent. French name. Jamaican vampire.

9. Guys get REALLY possessive over their home-girls.

10. Just ignore Rosalie. Edward does.

**There are still 78! Review or you may never meet them....sob.**


	2. 10 to 20

11. Bella does not need a tour guide.

12. Or a lunch date.

13. Or a shoulder to cry on.

14. Wait...Eric's Asian?

15. Please insert a dollar twenty five for an additional three minutes.

16. James is an evil, rotten, JACKET STEALER!

17. Oh, yeah. And he eats people. Whatever.

18. Edward could always _make _Bella dance. (Feel free to insert the obvious Edward/pulling pants down joke here...)

19. Jacob Black is easily controlled. Just give him twenty bucks and he'll do anything.

20. Bella looks _super _ugly when she's dying.

**You liiiike? Yah? Nah? Let me know or... *tries desperately to think of appropriate threat* …. I'll squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, I've heard it's quite good on toast....**


	3. 20 to 30

**Sorry it took so long to get out! I was preoccupied with starting a new story - 'Revenge is Sweeter' Pleeeease read it! :) Anyway, here you go! **

21 When Edward walks into sunlight, not ONLY does he sparkle, but he bells sound too! Amazing!

22 Um, why isn't Bella wearing any pants in the kissing scene? (Wait, we have to learn something...Um...We learnt that Bella's a SLUT!....What?)

23 Laurent is 300 years old! Can I hear a 'Happy birthday Laurent, happy birthday Laurent, happy birthday dear Laur-Laur...'

24 Harry Clearwaters fish fry looks disgusting. Lets order pizza....

25 Edward looks sexy when he's sitting in the rain.

26 Bella on the other hand, just looks like a drowning warthog.

27 When Carlisle changes Edward, is it just me, or do they look a bit too....close? We learnt: There is a possibility both guys are gay.

28 Bella is glad she amuses Edward. (New Moon plotline: Bella pursues her lifelong dream of becoming a clown...)  
29 Mood swings CAN actually give you whiplash!

30 Bella's smart. That's why she wanders around shady alleyways at night. What. A. Genius.

**Review or I'll kill you then bury your rotting corpse under my lemon tree so it will be lemony fresh forever. (God I'm disturbed...)**


	4. 30 to 40

**SORRY! I KNOW! I haven't updated in like, a month. I really have no excuse. So...yeah...**

31. A guy you don't know not being at school for a few days comes under the "Strange" category.

32. Bella doesn't like the rain. In fact, any cold, wet thing, she doesn't really..... (We also learn here, that Bella is incapable of completing a full sentence).

33. Even though Forks is supposed to be super cold, they have a fan going in the biology lab.

34. Throwing red liquorice at someone to get their attention isn't rude at all.

35. No, seriously, just ask Tyler.

36. Bella's not planning on wasting her time. That's why she's staring so much.

37. An article about speedo padding on the swim team in a school newspaper is a "Good One!" and isn't at all inappropriate.

38. Wait....Forks High _has _a swim team? Back to number 33, ISN'T IT SUPPOSED TO BE COLD?

39. According to Charlie, Billy's the bomb.

40. Purple is...cool. (WOW! Bella sure is greatwith those adjectives!)

**Again, sorry for not updating. You may punish me.**

**Nothing too torturous like watching the Twilight kissing scene over and over or anything.**

**That'd just be cruel.**


	5. 40 to 50

**He he he...No comment.**

41. Charlie's house only has ONE bathroom! Gasp! How _will _our snobby narrator survive?

42. Bella and Jacob used to make mud pies together when they were little. (Good times. Goood times.)

43. According to Smella, Charlie only has one good quality. The fact that he doesn't hover. (Two things. Firstly, BITCH! Secondly, has she FORGOTTEN his moustache? NOBODY forgets the moustache. NOBODY!)

44 Edward has a hairy hand (If you look _really _closely....)

45. Whereas James' are DIRTY! (Seriously, James, there's this new thing called WASHING YOUR HANDS! Try it.)

46. Bella's SUCH a pessimist! Example: Edward: Private joke. We matriculate a lot...*chuckle* Bella: That's kinda miserable. *emo scowl* (He honestly hasn't dumped her yet?)

47. Eddie's piano room is SO creepy. (Fog? Inside? _Really_?)

48. At certain points in the movie, Carlisle reminds me of Yoda. (NOT IN LOOKS!) Just the way he speaks.... "Edward! You must find the will! Find the will to stop..." (Anyone else see it? No? Ok...)

49. Victoria and James, like, totally have a "thing" going on.

50. Hippie restaurant owners are constantly thinking about cats.

**Quick question: DOES ANYONE READING THIS WATCH _SHORTLAND STREET_?????**

**Anyone? No? Yes?**

**Probably not.**

**Ok..Um...I'll update sooner next time! Promise! xxx**


	6. Strike

**Hi Everyone,**

**As you might already be aware, an author on fanfiction named **_**WillBellaPleaseJustDIEAlready, **_**has copied TWO of my stories on her page (**_**Revenge is Sweeter **_**and **_**I Feel Like I Already Know You**_**). This is the first time I've had this problem, so I figured I'd PM her and nicely ask if she'd take them down.**

**She didn't.**

**She Pmed back saying that "She wouldn't take them down because her versions are better than my versions".**

**Now, I don't want to report her, 'cause I think It'd be a bit extreme (not to mention scary!) to involve the Fanfiction Team, so I figured I'd do this....**

**I'm asking YOU GUYS to all gang up on her. PM her telling her to take them down and maybe she'll do so. I think that if all my readers sent her messages, she'd have no choice but to take them down.**

**Until then, my stories are all on hold (AKA, I'm on strike). So the sooner you force her to take them down, the sooner I will update.**

**I'm sorry it had to come to this, guys.**

**PLEASE HELP ME!**

**-Lauren.**

**(MyboyfriendEdwardsparkles)**

**PS: Reminder....GO! PM HER NOW! FLY! BE PUSHY!**


	7. 50 to 60

51. Bella is apparently colour blind. "Your eyes, they were black the lat time I saw you. Now they're like, golden brown...". IT'S TOPAZ, WOMAN! TOPAZ!

52. Number one item in Victoria's wardrobe? A SHEEP! Oh....wait....that's her jacket-thing...My bad.

53. When James thinks about snacks, his head moves....alot.

54. Edward's bus is full. No room for Bella. (Oh yeah, good one Eddie, we can all see that the bus behind you is TOTALLY EMPTY!)

55. If someone sits away from you, it's probably because your hair smells. (But sniff it REALLY obviously just to be sure.)

56. Eddie cares about NO-ONE except Bella. I mean, did he even THINK about Tyler's health and safety while pulling his whole "Must push van away to protect Bella! Screw Tyler and the fact that he's gonna get a concussion, GOTTA SAVE THE ONE WITH THE MONOTONE VOICE!" stunt? I think not.

57. Apparently standing up on a foam board doesn't count as surfing! *throws foam board in garbage* SCREW YOU JESSICA!

58. Angela reeeeally wants to be adopted by Carlisle. *cue for Mr and Mrs Weber to start crying* Gosh Ange, how could you?

59. Edward has the CUTEST EARS in the world. (What do you mean I was the only one staring at them?)

60. Jacob showed signs of being inhuman, even in Twilight! Seriously, who has teeth that white? (Possibilities: Werewolf/Tooth Fairy. Hmmm....)

**I'm just gonna come out and say it....**

**Review or die. :) It's totally your choice.**


	8. 60 to 70

61. DON'T drink compost tea. (It's for the plants)

62. Apples make excellent replacements for hacky-sacks, according to Edward.

63. Forget stress balls! When Rosalie's pissed, she simply breaks a bowl! Ah, how high must their crockery bills must be...

64. When leaving home, most people take photos as memories. Bella takes a cactus.

65. Charlie's as healthy as a horse!

66. WHAT IS _WITH _THAT WAITRESSES HAIR?!

67. When Edward's around, Mike's voice gets quieter...and quieter... "So I was wondering, did you want to go to the...*Edward comes into the shot and....silence*

68. Charlie Swan demonstrates his niceness by drawing invisible halos around his head.

69. Bella Swan: Master of edible art displays (except when she drops the apple....)

70. Carlisle: I just examined the body. Bella: He died?! Me: Nooo, Bella! Carly was just checking Waylon for lice. He's still very much alive and kicking! *mutters* Idiot...

**I KNOW IT TOOK AGES TO UPDATE.....But...but you guys still love me right? Right? *tumbleweed* **

**Review or the previously mentioned tumbleweed will eat your brain, then Edward/Jacob will stare at you like you're a mutant, therefore you will never win their hearts.**

**:) I'm such an optimist....**


	9. 70 to 80

**This chapter is dedicated to my friend, Holly. She not only helped me come up with a number of these, but she was also my muse. Rest in peace Holly. I will always remember you.**

71. Charlie's moustache has EMOTIONS! Seriously! It twitches when he's sad... ("Bells, I just got you back...." Twitch Twitch.) it twitches when he's happy.... ("You look beautiful." twitch twitch) and it twitches when he's really REALLY happy. ("Harry Clearwater's home made fish fry!" TWITCH TWITCH TWITCH TWITCH TWITCH!)

72. Edward just made it James' most exciting game ever. (Soooo...They're playing the NEW version of Duck Duck Goose?)

73. Jacob and Bella wore the same hairstyle to prom. (Ooooo! Cat/Dog fight!)

74. Yes Bella, he _is_ asking you about the weather.

75. Dating tips for idiots: Lesson 1 - When asking your boyfriend to stay with you, you _must_ be assertive. If you stutter then he will just run off at the start of your next movie. True fact.

76. Bella has a very short attention span. (Edward: You're very hard for me to read.... Bella: Hey, did you get contacts?) Yup. Like a goldfish.....

77. If a huge blue van comes speeding towards you DON'T worry. Your iPod headphones WILL stay in.

78. Yes Eric, that _is _a worm on the end of your stick. Congrats.

79: Green is what? GOOD!

80: It's totally normal for a family to have matching baseball uniforms.

**Only 8 more to go! And I've already started writing "88 things The Twilight Saga: New Moon has taught us". My favorite review gets to read numbers 1, 2 and 3 of THAT list! Soooo...REVIEW!**


	10. 80 to 88

1. Pepper spray. It don't work on those pesky vampires...

2. It's ok Jasper, you won't hurt her. (I have two words for you, Alice. New. Moon. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!)

3. Ballet studios are very 'visually dynamic'. James chose his stage well...

4. "Wolves? Like _real _wolves?". No, Bella. The legendary Quileute tribe is supposedly descended from IMAGINARY wolves.

5. "La Push, baby. It's..._La Push_." Ok, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE!?

6. Angela needs Bella's opinion on prom dresses, even though all Miss Swan has worn throughout the ENTIRE movie, IS THE SAME DAMN PAIR OF JEANS! Great choice of a shopping partner, Ange.

7. "This kind of thing just doesn't exist!" Yes, climbing trees is a strange and foreign activity to Bella....

8. Bella's never given much thought to how she would die. But being tortured to death by a sadistic mythical creature seems like a good way to go...

**Ze End!**

**Sob. Oh well, put me on your author alert because VERY SOON I will be posting "88 Things The Twilight Saga: New Moon has taught us"!!!!!!!**

**Yaaaaaaay! **

**NOW REVIEW!!!**

***sweet voice* Or I kiiiill yoooou! (And I'll refuse to put up the sequel)**

***smiles evilly***


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